Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Money Knot ... Do you have one too?

Shell Tain, $ensible Coaching
This is a news letter that I've just signed up for after hearing Shell Tain present at the Northwest Coaches Association in the Fall.  In her presentation, Shell made the point that most of us establish our beliefs about money by the age of five and then allow that same five year old to be in charge of our finances for a life time!

Thankfully, we don't have to figure life's issues out alone!!! Shell has gifted me information and helped me begin to untangle my personal "money knots."  I think you may appreciate her point of view. Given that we need health on all levels, physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial, and benefit from the skills of others, I'm pasting her newsletter in full this one time.

Let me know how you address your financial well-being and how this new resource might help you do better, be better and coach better! Polly.

Money Knot Masthead
    
Welcome to the January, 2013 Money Knot, a newsletter that untangles your money knots.
Who Do You Want To Be?
   
Traditionally the New Year is a time when we reflect on last year and the coming year. We are often encouraged to make resolutions around the habits we are going to change or the results we want to create. Some of that forecasting and resolution making is frequently about money. We all know how that usually works out, don't we?

And why do those ambitions frequently fall short?

Motivational guru Zig Ziglar died this year. I'd don't share all his beliefs and perspectives, but I feel that he was more than profound when he said:
         
"You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself."

Really, you can't. And that is a fundamental piece of why so many resolutions fail. You don't actually see yourself succeeding. You don't really believe it. So before you go through the annual exercise, or before you decide to ignore the whole idea, let's explore this a bit more.

Let's translate the "see yourself" portion of the quote into "what you believe about yourself". The words believe and belief used to mean "trust in God" while faith meant "loyalty to a person based on a promise of duty". Over time the language changed so that belief became "mental acceptance of something as true". So what we believe is what we see as true. We are limited by what we see as true about ourselves.

There are all sorts of things that we tell ourselves as if they are the "truth", aren't there. Here are some money ones that might seem familiar:
  • I'm not good with numbers so I can't do money
  • I have to work hard and struggle to have money
  • Money is just too complex for me to understand
  • Having money would really complicate my life
  • Money is something other people understand, but I just can't get it
Do any of them ring as true for you? What other things do you tell yourself are true for you?

Here's where this whole thing gets kludged together. People have mixed up Belief and Truth. Truth also has had several meanings over  time. An archaic one was that to be true was to be faithful and constant. Truth more commonly means a verified or indisputable fact. So the distinction is that Truth is 100% of the time the same, and belief is what we think is true, but it may not be always True. Seems picky, I know, but it's an important distinction. Let's look at our list and see how it changes them if we don't define that as strictly the truth:
  • I'm mostly not good with numbers so I make up that I can't do money
  • I have to work hard and struggle to have money, except when it comes easily to me
  • Money is just too complex for me to understand, unless it really isn't
  • Having money would really complicate my life, except where it would make it easier
  • Money is something it looks like other people understand, and I just can't get
Some of these shifts are subtler than others, but they are all closer to the truth.

There is actually very little that is the Truth about money. Folding money has paintings of dead, white guys on it; that's true.   We use it every day; that's true.

I'm fussing with all this to get you to start changing your beliefs so you can change your behavior around money and thus change the results you have with it.

Just changing the language of how you speak about your money beliefs can open the door to new possibilities. Taking that definitive statement that sounds so firm and final and adding to it the tag line of "except when it doesn't", or "unless of course it's not" can open up those possibilities and give you new options.

We align with our beliefs, and, although we are strongly attached to them, they are changeable. Of course, you get to decide if you want a different belief. You can keep the old one, and it will still work the way it always has. But what might be possible with a new one?

Many of our beliefs are hold-overs and victims of the two Trap Doors of Habit and Convenience. It's just easier to keep the old belief as a Truth. It might take some work, it might be confusing. Many people find with money thinking that maintaining those old beliefs is costly not just in money. It can be costly in emotion, sense of self, time, energy, etc.

People change, cultures change, we change our money thinking. In fact, we change our ideas about all sorts of things. It all starts with holding a new possibility.

So start there. Start thinking "Gee, what if the earth isn't flat?" and "What if I'm not doomed to be "bad" with money?" Just start there, and see what happens as you get clear on what is the Truth, what a Belief is, the distinction, and what you want.

"You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself." But you can change how you see yourself, and thus how you perform...why not?

So maybe a resolution for the New Year might be to just play with those beliefs a bit and see how you can change them?

Ka-ching,

Shell

Shell Tain
$ensible Coaching 
 Signature

knotThe Story of the Money Knot

Knot
Here's why it's called the Money Knot.   I've always been fond of Celtic knots, and you notice I use one as my logo.  There are several things about this knot that relate directly to our money journey: 
  
One, you can see the whole knot; nothing need be hidden, it's all revealed.  
  
Two, the knot has no beginning and no end; it's an ongoing, dynamic process.  
 
Three, the knot that I have chosen is a bit askew, just as our money maneuvering often is.  
 
Our money lives are like this knot.  They are a visible maze that is intricate and oft times challenging.  Sometimes we get stuck in a corner.  Sometimes money is confusing, embarrassing or even scary. Sometimes we get tangled up.  When we get tangled up we need to find a way to maneuver, see more clearly, to create space.  
 
Think of knotted up yarn or Christmas lights.  The first step to untangling them is to loosen things up, shake them out.  My money coaching is like that. I help you to understand and maneuver through the confusion and concerns that knot you up.  Together, we will make sense of where you are on your own personal money knot, how you can work through the tangles and get to where you want to be.

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